


Can Okay Be Our Goodbye? (Red Angel)

by YKWIW22



Category: GOT7
Genre: (i got it from tumblr though but kinda orginal), Bullying, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, M/M, Markjin, Original twist, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sad Ending, Soulmate AU, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Wordcount: Over 10.000, alternative universe, childhood to grown ups, over 15k, soulmate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-10-28 10:30:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10829451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YKWIW22/pseuds/YKWIW22
Summary: Park Jinyoung was 7 years old when he got his mark. He had seen it on other people's skin many times, a black short sentence that would determine who you were destined to cherish, love and spend a long happy life together with, the person who would give you a happy ending.-Not everyone gets a happy ending though.





	Can Okay Be Our Goodbye? (Red Angel)

Park Jinyoung had had the word **_’Okay?’_ ** tattooed on his wrists ever since the day he turned seven. 

His parents had the night till his seventh birthday stayed up with him to watch the word form on his right wrist, white text that stung when they swirled down and was now bound to his arm for the rest of his life. 

He had felt the happiness inside of him when he saw the word appear on his skin, just like magic -as his mother had told him. His entire face glew up as he stared at the sentence, and then he did the mistake of looking towards his parents.

His face fell immediately. 

His mother, a beautiful lady in her late thirties who always smiled until her eyes crinkled looked outright heartbroken. Her usually smiling eyes was filled with tears and her hand was clasped over her mouth in shock. 

His father, a man who usually stood tall and took all of life’s unfairness with pride was bent down. His eyes tearing and his shoulder’s hung low, as if the world had finally broken him. 

Jinyoung didn’t understand what was wrong. Where they not glad? Your soulmate where one of the most important people who would ever have the chance to meet you. They would stand by your side for the rest of your life and they would give you all the love you deserved.

He had memorized his mother’s words. _When you are seven years old, at the point of midnight a beautiful black sentence will swirl magically down on your wrist. But that sentence isn’t any sentence, no. It’s the first words your soulmate will ever tell you, the person who will appreciate all of your little beauties and quirks and watch you like you were the sky. Just like me and your papa._

He had seen the small sentences on his parents wrists many times. He could feel the love that radiated through both of them as they left a small kiss to the other’s cheek after a long day at work. 

He had heard the story of their meeting many times, and every time they would tell it a new part would be added; as if their love grew stronger every day, strong enough to bring back lost memories. 

He was in awe of it, even though he was only seven. He wished for it even now. 

He searched for a reason to why his parents were grieving, he searched for hope. His look flickered down to his parents intertwined hands and their wrists. He read the familiar dark text that was imprinted on their skin. Then he looked back to his own sentence. 

“Mom” He asked hesitantly as he stared at the white words, feeling the confusion settle in his stomach. “Why is my text white?” 

And all he heard after that was a broken sob. He wasn’t aware whether it was his own or his parents’. But he was aware of the small drops of tears that was rolling down his chin and his mother bringing him in closer to him. He was aware of his father’s hand that came to his shoulders in a comforting squeeze. But in the moment, everything else felt numb and all he felt was the confusion.

 

¤

 

Jinyoung learnt over the years what the different colors of the text meant. Apparently everyone wasn’t as lucky as his parents, everyone didn’t have someone destined for them. He met people over the years without any sentence on their wrist. People who simply weren’t destined for a soulmate. 

He thought it was cruel. How some people could be destined for such happiness while others were destined for a life in the back. The life no one wanted and was looked dirty on. Some people pitied the people without any mark while others looked down on them, made them feel inferior. 

Jinyoung did neither. No. He envied them. Of course not as much as he envied the people with a black sentence but still, he envied them. He envied the fact that they were free, that they weren’t bound to any destiny except their own in his opinion. He envied the fact that they weren’t destined for tragedy. 

Red. Red was the third option. Those were the people destined for tragedy, but survival. The red sentence was the last words your soulmate would ever say to you. You would find out who your soulmate was just seconds before they were ripped away from you.

Jinyoung has only met one other person in his entire life with a red mark yet. Or, he had only seen one with it. Some people chose to cover it up, to pretend it didn’t exist, as if that made it less real in some way. It didn’t though. Their soulmate would still die. 

And you might think that maybe that’s not so bad, maybe you can still in some magical way grow old together without knowing they’re your soulmate. But that’s the difference between getting a black and a red mark. The black one told the first words your soulmate would say to you, and then you would together live a happy life. There would be some ups and downs and bumps in the road, but happy nonetheless.

The red mark was, as said, the last words your soulmate would tell you but it also meant your soulmate was destined to die tragically, most of time young as well. 

Then there was white, like Jinyoung’s. A white mark could only match with a red or a white one. You probably understand what that means now, but to clarify: Jinyoung’s destiny was to die; young and tragically. 

Fate was cruel. 

 

¤ 

 

Jinyoung got his first real bestfriend when he was 9. They met during the first day of school when some older kids had Jinyoung pinned against the lockers, making fun of him for not having a soulmate mark. The guys pinning him against the locker laughed at his terrified expression. Of course, they could never really understand Jinyoung’s fear. 

The biggest of them, a guy with the name of Bryan spat directly into his face and then laughed again. 

“Of course you don’t have a mark, no one wants a fucking faggot!” He roared, the other two following his insults and Jinyoung felt like crying. Fuck, he was already crying. 

“Aww, look at the little faggot, wanna cry to mama?” he cooed and then laughed again before dropping him, letting him fall towards the cold bathroom floor. The older guys left him alone after that, still laughing as they walked out, dropping yet another ‘faggot’.

Jinyoung, now sitting on the floor, pulled his legs towards him and rested his head against them as he cried, he choked the sobs that wracked his body. His arms where hugged tightly around himself, trying to comfort him. He was just 9 for god’s sake. He didn’t deserve this. 

He hated that fear that always settled in him whenever he was in any danger. He was always scared that this would be the last day, that he would that day find out who is soulmate was and then die. He wondered if they would cry or if they would simply look at him, disgusted. 

He hoped they would love him, whomever it was. He knew it was selfish, it would just cause them even more heartbreak, but fuck it. He was selfish. 

The bathroom door opened suddenly, interrupting his bitter thoughts and self-loathing. It was a guy (of course it was, it was the boy’s bathroom after all) with brown bowl cut hair and friendly eyes that entered. Jinyoung recognized him as Jaebum from last year’s class.

Jinyoung quickly tried to dry off his tears, feeling the embarrassment heat up his cheeks. 

Jaebum sent him a look that wasn’t exactly friendly but not mean either. The older, Jaebum, stopped in front of him and Jinyoung was ready for yet another punch but the boy surprised him, he held out a hand which Jinyoung just stared at at first. He then slowly, carefully took it and the older pulled him up from the dirty bathroom floor. 

“Jaebum” He introduced himself. “Wanna join for lunch?” 

Jinyoung had after a few seconds of shock hesitantly nodded, expecting it to be a trick but the guy simply took a gentle grip around his wrist and pulled him with him towards the lunchroom. 

That day he also met Jackson, Yugyeom, Bambam (his name was actually Kunpimook Bhuwakul and Jinyoung tried his hardest to learn how to pronounce it and Bambam laughed everytime he tried. He hadn’t given up though. It was basically an inside joke by now too) and then it was also Youngjae.  
And if any of them saw his tear-stained face and red nose then no one mentioned it. Jaebum simply introduced him, stating that he was now their friend and they all accepted it without a second thought. 

He that day also met the first one without a mark. Jaebum didn’t have a mark himself, which Jinyoung learned two months later during a sleepover at the older’s house. The other members of their small little friend group looked far more surprised than Jinyoung was and they all offered their pity which Jaebum brushed away quickly, stating that he didn’t want it. 

Jaebum later told him that that was the reason he had approached Jinyoung in the bathroom. He had heard that Jinyoung didn’t have a tattoo and Jinyoung had nodded at that. He felt a bit bad for lying to his friends, but having no mark was better than having a white one. 

He was just like those people who hid their mark, those who tried to pretend it didn’t exist. Fuck. He hid it himself. He wanted to prevent the pitiful looks and the stares. He didn’t want pity, he got enough of it from his parents who would ever now and then break apart, and Jinyoung would hear the choked sobs from the other side of wall and the small hushs of his father comforting his crying mother. 

He hated pity. 

 

¤

 

Jinyoung was happy, even if it sounds weird. He had a lot of good friends, Jaebum being his closest. But Jackson was funny and would pull him around to try new sports. Jackson himself was really good at fencing, he claimed himself that he was the absolute best and that he would make his parents proud. Jinyoung laughed but praised him all the same. 

Bambam was short and Jinyoung always laughed at that but he was also a bit too concentrated on his looks for an 12 year old. He would always keep up with the new trends too, if a new game was released, then Bambam would be the first to play it, most of the time being able to beat the shit out of the others when they finally got around to play it. The same went with memes, if there was a new cat meme somewhere Jinyoung could bet 100 dollars on the fact that Bambam would have at least 18 copies of it saved on his phone by the end of the first day; all of them ready to use if needed. 

Youngjae was loud. When the other would snicker or giggle over something small Youngjae would instead have his head thrown back uncontrolled of laughter while clapping his hands like a seal. He talked loudly too, and joked and he did everything loudly but as soon as a girl appeared in front of him he would immediately blush and hide behind Jaebum. 

Then there was the youngest of them, Yugyeom. Neither of them ever let him forget that, especially not Jinyoung. He was sure to make fun of the youngest whenever he got the chance but was also sure to make him feel equally as appreciated. Yugyeom gets easily embarrassed too, always blushing as soon as someone even glances at him. Jinyoung has never seen anything more precious. Yugyeom’s basically the baby of their little friend group and even though the youngest acts like he doesn’t like it- they’re all pretty convinced that he actually loves it. 

Jaebum is Jinyoung’s best friend though. He was brutal sometimes, he always told the truth even though he told it in the nicest way he could- if he liked the person, otherwise, you were pretty much screwed. Jaebum would always have extra space in Jinyoung’s heart ever since inviting him to the group. They never said it out loud but the two of them understood each other better than anyone else did, they could send a simple glance and the other would understand exactly what the other needed in the moment. 

Jaebum was also the one to tease him the most over his new girlfriend and crush. Jackson was also a bit brutal but since he himself had a girlfriend, a beautiful blonde girl whose name is Lisa; he couldn’t be as brutal as Jaebum. But Jinyoung was proud of himself when he had asked his crush out who had beamed brightly and nodded with a small ‘yes’ leaving her lips. 

Jinyoung was 12 now and he had gotten his first girlfriend. 

She had long chestnut hair and big dark eyes and pretty rosy lips and red cheeks. She was cute. She was a bit awkward too so Jinyoung held most of the conversation and when she laughed she covered her mouth with her small hands but sometimes she would beam so brightly that Jinyoung could’ve sworn he was watching the sun. 

He loved everything about her, from her light voice to her small jokes to her hair, to everything. Her laugh, her smile, her name, Jisoo, the way it rolled off his tongue.

He took her to a small cafe for their first ‘date’ in which he paid for two smoothies, one strawberry for him and a blueberry for her. They sat quiet most of the time, just blushing while their hands brushed against each other a few times. 

It was cute. 

He didn’t think so at the time. No. At the time his heart was racing and his palms was sweating and shit, what if she tries to really hold his hand and she will notice how sweaty he is? What if she thinks it’s disgusting and never wants to see him again and then tells all her friends about it and he will become a laughing joke and known as the ‘guy who has sweaty hands’ and suddenly no one will want to speak to him? 

As you probably notice, his mind was quite a mess at the time.

They did hold hands eventually, on their second date which was in the park with an ice cream each. Jisoo had urged that it was her time to pay which Jinyoung had opposed but eventually agreed when she had argued that it was no more than right for her to pay, he did it last time and didn’t he want equality in their relationship? 

After that they ended up paying every other time and Jinyoung loved it. He loved her. Okay? Sue him. He was 12, he didn’t know what love was but at the time it felt like it. 

Jinyoung was completely smitten of her-

for about two weeks. 

Ooops. 

They broke up two weeks later with a small exchange that they’re probably better off as friends. They didn’t have a future. Jisoo had her black soulmate mark and Jinyoung lied about not having a mark at all even though he had one, a white one, which he hated. 

He wasn’t sad about it, not really. The entire relationship probably had some deep philosophical meaning about how Jinyoung wanted to be normal so much that he fell in love with the idea of being in love and having a normal beautiful life but he was just 12. He didn’t care about the philosophical stuff yet. He felt a bit heartbroken but he got over it. It wasn’t the end of the world. 

Jaebum comforted him a bit and his mother offered a small hug and a smile when he told her. 

“It’s okay.” She comforted while he snuggled his head into her. “It’s okay.” 

 

¤

 

The world kept going and Jinyoung was soon in his teenage years. 14 years old and alive and well. He spent most of his time either studying or taking lessons. He had started taking dance lessons a year ago and to be honest, he was getting quite good at it- according to himself. 

Jaebum had instead taken up vocal lessons since he started to like to sing and Jackson was well- Jackson. He took his fencing lessons but was most of the time overall good at everything which was a bit annoying but it was whatever. 

Jinyoung was definitely not jealous. 

No. 

Not at all. 

Not that Jackson was also good at baseball, and basketball, and rapping and dancing and just everything without taking lessons. 

He might be a bit jealous.

Especially of the black sentences that was scribbled in a messy handwriting on his wrist.

 

Yugyeom and Bambam joined him for dance lessons soon after and it turned out they were both really good at it. Yugyeom had a smooth sharpness to his moves, as if he took every step one by one instead of putting them together. He made the dance moves his own, exaggerated the parts he liked the most and did the other parts as accurately as he could. 

Bambam danced freely. It was most of the time a joy to see him dance, he put everything in it without looking like he made an effort. He easily added small acting to it, making his face scrunch up the way he wanted to or making his eyes look a bit duskier. But everything he did, every step, looked free, like it was like just riding a bike, eventually you learned to do it without one hand, and then without both and then you could hold them out to the sides and feel the wind brush against you. That was the kind of freedom Bambam expressed when he danced. The freedom of being able to control the bike without his hands on the handlebars.

Jinyoung was more of a perfectionist himself, his steps were accurate, everyone of them. He didn’t rely on anyone else and never looked over to the other dancers to make sure his moves were right. He knew they were, he memorized every single one and made sure it was perfection. When he danced, he danced with his mind, not from memory but from knowledge- and yes there’s some difference in there somewhere. 

But he loved reading too, when he got home exhausted from dance-class he would firstly shower, because otherwise; gross. He would then snuggle up in his bed and lit the little bedside lamp and pick up a book. 

He loved the way it made him feel, as if anything was possible. Even though he was happy; he was. He still couldn’t shake away his white soulmate mark and the fact that he won’t live as long as everyone else. 

He wondered if he had met them already. Maybe it was even someone he had talked to. He hopes they are nice, whoever it might be, and that they will live a long and happy life even though he hopes that they will also miss him. 

That’s why he likes to read, it gives him some stupid annoying hope that maybe he won’t die. He knows he will. But he also wants to hope. He hopes that maybe it’s a misunderstanding, maybe destiny did it wrong, maybe it was meant for someone else. 

Fate can’t be this cruel? Can it? 

He sighs and puts down the book. 

 

¤

 

He’s 15 when his friends finds out about his mark. 

Earlier that day he had been sitting in his room when he heard his parents argue. It happened more and more recently. He suspected it might be because of him, he could always hear his name be thrown into the argument like a secret, a hushed whisper. 

He opened the door to his room slowly and listened to his parents’ fight, feeling his chest heavy and his breathing slowing as he peeked through. 

“-We still need to talk to him about it!” His mother shouts and Jinyoung feels the heaviness settle on his shoulders. It’s about him. His father’s rough voice answers. 

“He won’t need a job!” His father argues back, quieter but easy to hear anyway. His mother’s pacing could be heard through the thin walls too. 

“We can’t think like that!” She suddenly screams back and Jinyoung flinches, turning around. 

“We can’t make him fight for a life he won’t live!” He closes his eyes as he leans against the door, closing it at the same time as and he sinks down towards the floor. His mother’s frustrated steps suddenly stop.

“Then what are we supposed to do?!” She argues but her voice breaks at the end, a sob making it’s way through instead. “I can’t lose him--- i can’t lose our son.” She croaks through the walls and Jinyoung does everything he can to not cry too. His phone interrupts him luckily and he snatches it quickly but takes a deep breath before reading it. 

 

**From: Jaebum**  
_where are you?_

Jinyoung was suddenly reminded that he was supposed to meet up with the other’s after the dance practice. He types a small ‘on my way’ as reply before quickly pulling on a dark hoodie and stuffing his phone in the pocket and half-running down the stairs.

“I’m going out!” He shouts right before opening the front door and closing it. He heard his parents muffled voices coming after but he was already grabbing his bike, from pure instincts jumping on it and kicking the ground to start. 

He rode it away fastly, feeling the wind that ruffled his hair while he tried to calm his breathing. He wished in that moments that he would just be normal, that he would’ve gotten a black tattoo and have his parents eagerly awaiting for him to meet the person whom he would spend the rest of his life with. 

But no, instead he fears the time he will find out who his soulmate is because that will be the same day as he leaves this earth. He will only know who the person he would’ve come to love for a few seconds before he disappears. 

He always wished for the black tattoo, but now he wished for it more than ever. 

 

Five minutes later he was seated in Jaebum’s coach with Jackson on one side and Youngjae on the other. Yugyeom and Bambam was seated next to each other on the floor, Bambam already explaining some newfound game for the youngest, laughing and praising when Yugyeom actually did it right. 

Jaebum was sitting in the armchair all alone while looking a bit anxious. They all were, except the two youngest who were happily enjoying themselves on Bambam’s phone. 

Jackson was the first one to cut the thick tension in the room. 

“Okay, let’s not ignore the elephant in the room.” He said and then turned his entire body towards Jinyoung who was looking towards the floor in shame. He hadn’t meant to bring his mood with him but somehow he couldn’t escape it. 

“What’s wrong? You came in here looking like you wanted to cry until you had a pool full of tears in which you could drown someone in.” Jaebum made a small noise of agreement. They all, even the two phone-players now turned their attention to Jinyoung. 

He wasn’t sure whether he wanted them to know or not. He guessed there was some good prospects of it; he wouldn’t have to hide his mark anymore. He would no longer feel guilty about lying to them either. He didn’t want the pity. But mostly, he wants to keep pretending, pretending that it doesn’t exist, that it’s all just some bad nightmare that he will soon wake up from. 

“My parents were just arguing again.” He settles on answering, seeing the frown appear on his friends faces from the corner of his eye. He kept his head down, fiddling with his hands. The silence settled heavily over them for a few seconds. 

“Do they do that a lot?” A voice he recognize as Jaebum asks. He nods silently, finally meeting his friends sad and conflicted faces. “Yeah…” He breathes out quietly. 

They didn’t have a lot of serious talks between them. They had had a few; the one where Jaebum told them about not having a mark for example and then just a few more after that. They weren’t very good at these kind of talks, they prefered to play it lightly, joking around with each other or just bickering. 

“Why?” Came Youngjae’s voice and Jinyoung grimaced before looking down towards his covered wrist. “Because I have a soulmate.” He answers quietly, the shame filling him up when he met Jaebum’s confused but betrayed look. 

“You have a soulmate?” Jackson’s startled voice came and he could hear the betrayal in it at first. “Why the fuck wouldn’t you tell us that? We all literally thought you would die alone!” Jackson was then beaming at him which was the opposite of the reaction he thought he would get. “I’m so happy for you!” He squealed, crushing the younger in a hug. The other also smiled a bit now, feeling Jackson’s glee radiate from him. 

Jaebum stayed quiet though while the other gave small congratulations and Jinyoung felt heavy. 

“It’s not like that.” He interrupted tiredly, his shoulders slumping down and the happiness in the room ripped away just as fast as it came. He saw Jaebum turn towards him now and he could see the fear in his bestfriend’s eyes, the silent begging that it wasn’t what he feared.

Jinyoung looked down on his hands as he started to explain. He didn’t want to meet their curious and worried gazes. “My parents argue whether or not they should pursue me an education beyond high school.” He begins. “My mom thinks we should because she wants to pretend that it’s not my destiny and that we should try to live as normal as possible for as long as we can. My dad thinks that I should just enjoy life as much as I can in the time I have.” Jinyoung looked up towards Jaebum, searching for comfort but all he saw was how glazzy the other’s pupils were, how the older’s fists were clenched tightly. 

“What does that have to do with having a soulmate or not?” It’s Yugyeom who asks and Jinyoung sees it in the younger’s eyes, how he already knows exactly why but still holds onto hope. That small little shimmer of hope that is always left even when everything else is crushed and let out. 

Jinyoung takes a deep breath before slowly pulling up his right sleeve where his white tattoo could be seen clearly.

“Because i’m going to die.” He meets the other’s gazes, one by own. “Young and tragically.” He recycles it from memory, his voice melocatolic and empty, but yet filled with so much emotion. Because even though he can’t recount how many times he has thought it, he has still never said it out loud. 

And he knows, he knows he is crying, that tears are rolling down his cheeks and that the others are staring at his tattoo; His doom. And he know they are crying too and that they are hugging him tightly, throwing their arms around him. 

It feels too real all of the sudden as he sobs. He doesn’t want to die. Fuck. He doesn’t want leave this place, he wants to grow up and grow old and watch his parents become grandparents and see their proud smiles when he brings home his soulmate for the first time. 

He wants to be able to hold his soulmate, knowing that they are them. He wants to be able to kiss them and fall in love with them and just watch them. 

He doesn’t want to die. 

He doesn’t want to leave his best friends. He wants to watch them grow up. He wants to see Jackson beaming around his soulmate and hear him brag about them. He wants to watch Youngjae laugh around their soulmate and hear the laugh that will match the younger. He wants to see Bambam go out shopping with his soulmate and coming back, showing off the clothes they’ve bought.  
He wants to see Yugyeom blush around his soulmate and hear him stumble over his words. 

He wants to watch Jaebum fall in love even though he doesn’t have someone destined to him. He wants to watch his bestfriend define the laws of fate without a black sentence enrolled on his arm, he wants to watch him fall in love with the most perfect person to ever exist even though they weren’t destined for each other. 

He doesn’t want to die. 

He doesn’t want to leave any of it but he can’t do anything about it. He’s powerless, and he will die; young and tragically. Just as destined for him. Because that’s just the way it is. It’s ugly. 

Life is ugly. 

 

¤ 

 

He sees the red haired angel for the first time when he’s 16 years old. 

Jinyoung had started the day like any other, he had met up with the two younger lovebirds- Bambam and Yugyeom. The two was apparently soulmates and now they were disgustingly sweet towards each other. 

Jinyoung hadn’t been the only one to keep secrets about his mark. 

Bambam and Yugyeom had known that they were soulmates from the day they met, when they were just 8 years old. But since they were as young as they were at the time they simply decided that they were better off as friends from the beginning. But then they grew closer and closer and both developed crushes on each other which then turned into a relationship once they both got down from their high horse that they had been so comfortably seated on. 

They had been in a relationship for two months when the rest found out. They found out in a rather unpleasant way to be frank. The gang had decided that they were going to play some games att Bambam’s house and when they got there the front door was open. They all grew worried quickly and ran into the house, scared for the two youngest. 

They didn’t find a burglar or anything, no. What they found was much more horrific and Jinyoung have ever since then had nightmares about it. Bambam had been sitting on top of the younger, more precisely on the younger’s lap. 

And right, that sounds fairly innocent, two boys just enjoying each other's company in a friendly way by sitting on top of the other. And it would’ve been innocent -If it weren’t for the broken moans and the fact that both of them were completely naked. Completely naked and Jinyoung had never wanted to see so much of Bambam. And then there was of course the fact that the older of the two wasn’t sitting still, no, he was jumping up and down in the other’s lap.

It was Jackson high pitched scream that pierced through the two youngest bubble. The two immediately shot up and scrambled around for clothes or something to cover themselves with, both turning red from embarrassment. They then pulled up the duvet to cover themselves with and something flew away from upon the bed. Wait was what that? Jinyoung watched the thing that fell to the floor, it looked fairly big and green? Was that….? Nope, nope, nope. Jinyoung’s not doing this. He quickly turned around and dragged the others with him down the stairs. 

They had ten minutes later gotten the explanation from the two flustered boys. Neither of the friends really cared whether or not their friends dated, they were simply happy for them, except for Jackson who couldn’t stop whining that he would have nightmares for the rest of his life. He probably would have but that was another story. 

Jinyoung was the happiest, tears forming in his eyes as he hugged both of them congratulations. They had all learned about Jinyoung’s list. A list of things he wants to see before he.. yeah… And seeing his friends find their soulmates was one of them so he couldn’t be happier. 

He then asked what their tattoos said which they had bashfully smiled at. Bambam pulling up his sleeve, showing of a messy handwriting with rounded letters writing the sentence _’can i play with you?’_. Yugyeom’s showed a pointed and small but precious handwriting that wrote the four letters _Yeah!_ and the two youngest had looked at each other fondly after that. 

Jinyoung could feel his heart break a bit at the sight. He would never experience that. 

But back to the original point- the fierce red hair that he saw in the dance studio a month before christmas break.

Jinyoung had been late for class that day but he had a good excuse. It was because he rode the bus, but since his bus had been late due to the snow chaos that had settled over the entire country he hadn’t been in time. 

He sneaked into class that day and teacher gave him a small nod in greeting. Jinyoung was one of his favorite students and he understood that the boy must have a good explanation as to why he was late, he was never late otherwise so he let it slip this time. He then directed Jinyoung towards a boy Jinyoung had never seen before, he explained that they were going to work as a pair for a while and that that was the new student, Mark. 

Jinyoung had quietly walked up to the red haired boy who looked angelic. His features were slim but sharp and his eyes dark. His cheekbones were pointed and went down into a chin shaped like a V. Jinyoung thought he looked beautiful. It was the first time he had ever thought of a boy as beautiful, most of the times he saw them as pretty or cute, but never beautiful. 

“Jinyoung.” He introduced himself with a small smile. The boy looked up from his stretching position, retreating his hand from his foot and stood up effortlessly. “Mark” The boy introduced himself as, a triangular grin shaping his mouth, white teeth showing. 

He watched Mark dance for the first time the same day. Mark danced differently from the others, he danced with an smooth accuracy, he looked light when he danced as if he was doing it from the pure instinct, not memorized instinct but one that came from within. But when the boy got tired his moves didn’t get sloppier, no, they grew sharper instead, concentrated. 

Jinyoung found himself fascinated watching the other dance. He danced with a beauty and a joy at the same time as he danced with an accuracy that Jinyoung himself trained his hardest to gain. 

But maybe Jinyoung wasn’t only fascinated with the other boy’s dancing. 

But no, he can’t think like that. 

Young and tragic, he reminded himself instead. 

 

¤

 

He was 17 when his parents sat him down for the talk they had all purposely avoided for the past ten years. That talk being his future. 

He had had a good weekend. Mark was finally back from visiting his relatives in the north and they had basically spent every waking moment talking to each other or just hanging out, hanging out might include singing on the top of their lungs while dancing to korean music.

“Geurae urineun extra! But still part of this world! Extra plus ordinary?” “Geugeotto byeol geo anyeo!” They screamed and sang as loud as they could out in Mark’s small apartment. 

While Mark was more of a rapper, Jinyoung liked to sing more but most of the time they both just did everything while getting out of breath because dancing and singing at the same time was a lot more exercise than it seemed. And trying to sing a song that was originally made for 7 people was hard. From then to then they would break out laughing when they stumbled over each other or on the clothes and the mess that was most of the time scattered over their rooms, or when mark would try the high notes and his voice would make a unpleasant but still funny break. 

Jinyoung had grown to know Mark fast, ever since the day he first saw him he could never really let go. It was like an invisible tether that always pulled him back and it scared him. More than he could ever imagine it would. 

Mark was shy Jinyoung noticed fastly. First time Jinyoung had introduced him to his friends he had barely said a word, only speaking when spoken to. Jinyoung held most of the conversation that day and even though Mark might be the biggest introvert he had ever met he still pulled him along the next day, and the day after that.

Jinyoung was persistent and he wanted this guy to be his friend and it was actually quite a joy to watch the other warm up to him. He noticed the bright smiles the older would send him when they were dancing or when their eyes met in the hallway, and the way Mark would stop shying away from Jinyoung’s small touches.

Jinyoung hadn’t known he was a touchy person before he met Mark, but suddenly he preserved every touch not matter how small. Most of the times it was just a small clap on the back or leaning against the older when he laughed. He would often grab for one of the older’s hands when he felt insecure or scared, feeling comfort in the small touch.

Mark had from the beginning looked mildly uncomfortable by the touches and it made Jinyoung a bit sad, watching the older drop his hand or create an awkward fake laugh to avoid the situation. So Jinyoung stopped for a while, he stopped with all the small touches and he watched the older’s confused gaze whenever Jinyoung would break his usual behavior.

It might have been the best decision he had ever done. 

It was 8 months into their friendship when Mark for the first time initiated the skinship. He came back home from visiting his grandma and Jinyoung was waiting at the airport to pick him up.

They had been texting during Mark’s entire visit, sending each other small parts of their lives in words and Mark didn’t even really think when he came out from the airplane and walked with the rest of the crowd towards his bag.

He saw Jinyoung before Jinyoung saw him, and his heart made a loop and his thoughts shortcutted and suddenly he was running towards the younger in the middle of the airport, not even shouting a polite sorry after the people he knocked into. Jinyoung caught the older’s eyes right before he was engulfed in the biggest bear hug he had ever gotten. He tensed firstly, feeling the older’s arms wrap tightly around him but he eventually relaxed into the touch. He melted into it and wrapped his arms around the older just as tight, leaning his head against the crook of the other’s neck. 

“Missed you” Mark simply murmured to him and that day something changed. Mark would initiate the skinship just as often now, if not even more often than Jinyoung himself. Whether it was pulling the younger closer to him when they were watching a movie or spooning when they had sleepovers. 

Jinyoung had never enjoyed anything more than watching from the beginning shy touches and hesitant smiles turn into big grins and pure instinct when the older pulled him closer. 

But now he was sitting around the dining table with his parents, about to discuss the one thing he was afraid of; his future. 

One of the two secrets he hid from Mark.

“I want to stay here.” He said, interrupting his parents arguing. They both looked up at him, shocked, probably having momentarily forgotten that he was also there. His mom gave him a sad smile.

“But honey, we could travel the world-” 

“I don’t wanna travel the world,” He stated, stubbornly. _I wanna stay here, with my friends, and Mark._

His mother made a frustrated noise. “Then what do you want to do?” She asked. He thought for a few seconds, wondering how he can phrase it. 

“I want to stay here.” He decided, his mother about to argue. “-We don’t know when or how it will happen and I can’t let that control me, I want to live a normal life and spend time with my friends, Jaebum, Yugyeom… Youngjae, Jackson, Bambam.. Mark. That’s what I want-- to be with my friends and live normally.” His father simply nodded at that explanation, satisfied. His mother stared at him, not understanding how her little boy would rather stay here then see the world. She wanted her baby boy to witness everything he could before he… he.. 

“Then it’s settled, isn’t it?” His father cut off the tension weakly. “We’re staying.” Jinyoung’s mother turned to her husband, prepared to fight for her cause.

“I thought you wanted him to live his dream!” She accused, glaring at her husband. His father smiled tiredly, his shoulder slumping and glasses falling down on his nose. 

“I think he already is” He simply said before standing up, preparing another cup of coffee. His mother was left, gazing towards the now empty spot. She turned slowly to Jinyoung who had taken the opportunity to drink from his glass. “Are you?” She asked, and Jinyoung just nodded without missing a beat. He felt some of the weight lift from his shoulder. 

“I am” He said, completely sure of that fact. 

He had in fact never been happier than what he was right now. 

 

¤

 

Jinyoung gets to experience a lot of firsts the day after his graduation and on his graduation. 

He got to experience his first hangover, his first real heartbreak and his first time meeting another person with a white mark. 

To be honest, he doesn’t really remember much about the day on and before his firsts- which is pretty convenient. He doesn’t really want to remember.

His parents had asked what he wanted to do for graduation and he had somehow managed to convince them to allow him to go to a party with the rest of his friends. They didn’t really have much of a choice since he was over 18 years old but still, it had been a tough fight. His parents had wanted all three of them to go out for dinner or go on a holiday trip but Jinyoung had opposed, arguing that he wanted to spend it with his friends. 

His father had come to the rescue after a solid fifteen minutes of arguing, stating that it was after all Jinyoung’s graduation and he was over 18, he should get to do what he wished for since it was his day. His mother had glared at his father but eventually clasped her hands, giving up. 

“Fine, but if you come home sulking, hungover or drunk- then i’m not letting you in.” She warned and Jinyoung had beamed, jumping up and thanking her with a small kiss on her cheek. 

“I won’t disappoint you!” He promised. 

He had technically not disappointed her yet, after all, he wasn’t home. He was just a sulking, hungover, confused mess in a bed he recognized as the guy who threw the party’s. 

He had been woken up by someone turning on the speakers to the loudest possible volume, blaring some skrillex song that he barely recognized. He groaned immediately, a pathetic ‘please stop’ leaving his mouth. His entire head was pounding.

“That’s what you get for being hungover, kid.” The evil speaker-turner said. Jinyoung groaned even louder when the music didn’t stop. He felt like crying. “Jaebum, please stop” He begged again. Jaebum turned the sound off immediately, hearing his bestfriends tone of voice. 

Jinyoung pulled the covers around himself, trying to block out any sound or light that tried to hit him. 

“Aww he really does looks like a baby” Someone cooed. “I knew I made the right choice, “ Jinyoung recognized the light voice but wasn’t sure who it belonged to until he slowly crept out from below the quilt, only his eyes visible. In front of him he saw the tall but slim friendly figure of the party owner’s soul mate, Jin- or Seokjin. Jinyoung’s cheeks immediately flared because fuck, did he really have to fall asleep at someone else's house while being drunk? God… 

Jin grabbed the glass of water and the painkillers he had already prepared on the nightstand, holding them towards the raven haired boy under the covers, cooing over how cute the boy looked. 

Jinyoung slowly sat up. His head was pounding and it felt like he was going to be sick but he managed into a sitting position. He looked over to his friend to find some comfort, but Jaebum’s expression was confusing. Jinyoung didn't like it. He always knew what the other was thinking but in this moment he had absolutely no clue whether his friend was disappointed, angry, sad or relieved. He was at a lost. 

He slowly took the glass Jin was holding towards him and swallowed the pills with a gulp. He thanked Jin after that but the older brushed it off, stating that it was no worries and that he liked taking care of people. If Jinyoung hadn't had the headache he was having at the moment then he would probably have been a bit weirded out by that, instead he only felt relieved that he wasn't being a burden. 

Once they were all placed in the kitchen Jin had immediately urged both of them to sit down so they could get some breakfast in their stomachs. While the oldest was raking through the kitchen, trying to find something to eat, Jaebum was staring at Jinyoung with a puzzled expression while Jinyoung was simply staring at the table, trying to gather his memories from the past night. It wasn’t easy. His mind was quite a mess. 

He remembers arriving to the part together with Jaebum, Youngjae and Jackson since Yugyeom and Bambam had decided to stay home, apparently they wanted to celebrate alone. Jinyoung had asked Mark whether he wanted a ride but the boy had said no, he was going to eat with his grandmas and grandpas who had come visiting for their grandson’s graduation and then he would after that get a ride to the party and celebrate with the rest. 

Jinyoung does remember downing a shot as soon as he came in, he hadn’t actually come to the party for the sole purpose of drinking even though that is exactly what he ended up doing. 

To be truthful, he wasn’t in his best mood. He missed Mark. He missed the securing presence of his friend and he missed the scent of his friend and just everything about his friend. 

Do notice that he uses the word friend, because that is after all what they are. They were both completely oblivious to the fact that the other liked them back, instead they stayed in the distance, secretly pining after each other.

Okay, maybe secretly isn’t the word since it was completely obvious to everyone else except the two in question. 

But neither of the friends had ever actually gotten a confession from Mark who simply stuttered a “n-no, what are you ta-alking about?” and then thoroughly denied any feelings for the younger. Since Mark hadn’t actually admitted it- the friends didn’t want to take a chance since they knew Jinyoung would be heartbroken if they made him believe the oldest liked him back to then just get it denied from the guy himself. 

Jackson still thought that it would’ve been better if they had simply walked up to Mark and told him to ‘woman up’ since it apparently turned out that men couldn’t confess. Jaebum had disagreed, stating that it was better if the love-struck fools just worked it out on their own, fate would bring them together. 

It was of course a small part of Jaebum who thought of his bestfriends tattoo and destiny when he said that. Maybe if he tried to keep the two on distance the inevitable wouldn’t happen. It was stupid, it was. But it turns out that sometimes you just become stupid when it comes to your friend’s survival. And he still wasn’t sure whether the oldest was the younger’s soulmate- but he suspected it. He had ever since Jinyoung brought the boy with him the first time, when they were just 16 years old. 

But back to the point. Since Jinyoung was feeling a bit tense and down already before he walked into the party Jackson simply made sure to get younger a shot to loosen up a bit. Jinyoung had accepted it immediately, downing the entire glass and feeling the unfamiliar burn in his throat. He coughed which Jackson just laughed at before dragging the younger with him to the rest of the people on the party. They zigzagged between their classmates who were all holding big cups filled with beer and was laughing and dancing on the floor to loud buzzing music. 

The four friends hadn’t arrived very late but it seemed like the party had started early. Most was already drunk, no one passed out though but many close to it. Some others were practically dry-humping on the couch while some other horny teenagers were grinding against each other on the dance floor.

Jinyoung downed one more shot and then dragged the others to the dance floor which Jackson happily obliged too.

 

Mark arrived around one and a half hour later and the entire house was a mess. He recognized a lot of people from his class even before he opened the door. A few people laid passed out from drinking too much on the porch already and that wasn’t even close to the chaos that was inside. 

The entire house stank of sweat, alcohol and body fluids that he really didn’t want to ponder too much over where they came from. 

He searched the room for his friends, almost immediately finding Jackson grinding against some girl? yes, girl. He made his way over, knocking into a few people on the way who looked at him, offended. He mumbled a fast ‘sorry’. 

“Hey! Jackson” He interrupted his friend who quickly looked over at him, dropping the girl he had swung around him immediately. 

“Mark!” He exclaimed happily, swinging an arm around the older. Mark scrunched his nose from the alcohol filled breath that came straight into his face without consent. “How are you? Having a good night?” Jackson drawled while hanging sluggishly over Mark’s shoulder. Mark just nodded, instead concentrating on trying to find Jinyoung instead. 

“Have you seen Jinyoung?” He asked instead and Jackson frowned. “Am i not good enough for you?” Jackson asked, hurt covering his face and tears forming in his eyes. Mark looked at him, bewildered. “What?! No. I mean yes! I mean, wait what?” Jackson beamed again, hugging the older tight, too tight. “I knew you loved me Markkie” He mumbled into the older’s ear. Mark brushed it off, and wriggled out from the hug, partly confused, partly uncomfortable. “Yeah, sure.” He mumbled. “Jinyoung?” He asked again, impatiently. Jackson looked at him, offended but then pointed towards the mass of people on the dance floor, but specifically to a raven haired boy who was passionately sucking of a brunette girl’s face. Jackson then watched the older stalk over to the dance floor. 

Jinyoung only knows this because Jaebum told him about it and Jaebum only knows about it because Jackson told him, or rather texted him about it. 

Jinyoung’s memories are a lot more hazy than that. He does remember kissing a girl, passionately? He’s not sure. Probably more towards the horny and desperate way. But he does remember going to the bathroom.

He does remember going to the bathroom after having awkwardly shuffled away from the girl who had been to drunk to be offended by the action. 

He remembers knocking on the door impatiently and he does remember the exact moment when the door opened. The moment when he saw Mark’s flushed but blissful face, a bit anger on it too. He remembers the way Mark’s shirt was loosely buttoned up, some of them pushed into the wrong hole. He remembers the hickeys that covered the other guy in the bathroom and the way the other guy simply smirked before walking pass them both. 

He remembers staring at the older, wondering why and how. Mark just snorted at him, pushing past him, knocking into the younger’s shoulder purposely and Jinyoung remembers grabbing the other’s wrist. 

“Why?” He remembers saying it, quietly, a hushed whisper. He remembers the cold look in Mark’s eyes, the eyes who had previously looked at him like he held the stars in the sky. Then Mark laughed, cold, distantly, like he couldn’t believe that Jinyoung had uttered that question. 

“What?” He asked, mockingly. “You get to fuck whomever you want but I don’t? What kind of fuck logic is that” Then Mark was ripping his hand from Mark’s grip and the he was walking away with angry steps. 

Jinyoung remembers feeling like he had been stabbed. He remembers the dull ache in his chest and the empty feeling that was left after older walked away. He remembers walking idly down from the stairs, down towards the dancing, drunk teenagers and he remembers mindlessly picking up two more shots and downing them in one go. 

He remembers the worried gaze Jackson sent him but after that; everything was simply blank. 

 

He watches Jin’s and Jaebum’s variating expression while he tiredly retells everything he remembers from the night before. 

“I’m gonna fucking kill him” Jaebum hisses when Jinyoung has finally told the entire story. Jin drapes him over the head. “Not that language.” He scolds, “But I’ll help you.” 

Jinyoung laughs a bit brokenly at that. He felt like shit. Ever since the day he first met the back then red-haired boy they hadn’t had a single fight, some small bickering here and there but nothing major. He felt like he had lost a bit of himself, like Mark had come into his life and made a part of Jinyoung his and then just ripped it out, leaving an empty hole to bleed. 

“But he’s right? isn’t he?” Jinyoung asks, feeling defeated. His shoulders were hung low and he was staring towards the offending cup of tea in front of him. _He and Mark used to drink tea together._ Jaebum sent him a worried but sad look. 

“No, he isn’t. From what i’ve heard you didn’t have sex with anyone, only he did.” Jin says, putting a comforting arm around the younger. “Is he your soulmate?” He then asks and Jinyoung thinks he should’ve felt caught off guard or blatantly dismiss it, saying that it’s impossible- After all, he didn’t know if Mark even had a mark. Somehow they had both managed to avoid that subject through the two years they had spent together. 

“I don’t know..” He says instead and he can feel himself draining, the small energy he had had leaving him. 

“You’re white?” A new voice asks. Jinyoung looks up to see Yoongi standing beside Jin now, arms tightly wrapped around his soulmate. Jinyoung finds himself choking on air. 

“How did you-?” He asks but they doesn’t answer, not with words at least. Yoongi just looks sadly but lovingly at Jin who gives Jinyoung a sad smile. Jin then slowly raises his arm, dragging his sleeve down cautiously, showing off a white tattoo printed on his wrist. _I love you_ Jinyoung reads. 

“You’re not the only one” Jin says, looking straight into Jinyoung’s glazy eyes, his own eyes tearing up. Jaebum looks between them, tears forming in his eyes as well but determination sinking into him. 

“Then fuck destiny.”- He shouts, standing up, gaining attention from all three of the others. -“Let’s create our own destiny. I’m gonna find someone who’ll love me even though I don’t have a mark, and- and you two will survive, and you-you won’t lose anyone! And we’re all gonna live a beautiful fucking life and have our own happy ending” He continues- “So let’s fucking define the laws; let’s fucking remake them! Let’s say ‘fuck you’ to fate and instead make our own way.” He's a bit out of breath by the end and the other’s are gazing up at him, speechless. 

“Amen to that” Yoongi then agrees with a smile and Jinyoung knows he’s crying again, he knows that Jaebum and two people he had barely talked to before are now hugging him, comforting him; comforting each other. Because he isn’t the only one who's a bit broken. He knows Jin is crying too and maybe even Jaebum. And he hugs them back, just as tight. 

And they all knows it’s sappy and stupid but they do, they do still believe. Because fuck it, let’s redefine the laws.

Jinyoung can feel it again, that empty feeling that tells him that this is all real; That destiny decided to fuck him over. And he knows the others can feel it too, that they were all destined for something terrifying. They were all destined for everything but the happy ending that they desperately wished for. That everyone desperately wishes for. 

And he hears Jaebum making some lame joke about how ‘the self-proclaimed mom is getting mommed’ and they all laugh a bit brokenly through their tears and the emotion. But they're all still thankful for each other in that small bubble they created, a bubble of comfort and understanding. 

And Jinyoung knows he lost a bit of Mark that day, but he gained two new friends. They don't replace Mark, nor does they fill the empty hole Mark left in his chest that day, no. They create their own little space in his heart, one that solely belongs to them. 

 

¤

 

Jinyoung and Mark barely talked for a year. 

Everyone noticed it, how something had shifted in the air around them and when they asked about it, Jinyoung and Mark both promptly shut it down, stating that nothing was wrong and that they were fine. 

Jaebum knew of course what was wrong and had many times offered to get Mark away from their group of friends. Jinyoung had smiled sadly, answering no, he did not in fact want that. What had happened between him and Mark was both of their faults and Mark shouldn’t have to pay for it on his own. Jaebum argued, saying that Jinyoung was also paying, “Jinyoung, seriously! You don’t go a day without thinking of him and I see it in your eyes how your heart breaks every _fucking_ time he comes around and if that’s not paying then I don’t know what!”

Jinyoung didn’t listen to that, he convinced himself that Mark was hurting just as much after their breakup. Wait, breakup? No, they didn’t breakup. They weren’t even together. How can you break up when you’re not even together? They were just two friends who spent most of their time together, cuddling, laughing and holding hands. Yup. That’s it. Jinyoung was shocked by the bitter tone in his own voice. 

He convinced himself that he had meant just as much to Mark as Mark had meant to him. It hurt less that way. It hurt more too. He didn’t like to think about that though. 

Most of their conversations that coming year consisted of polite greetings and asking where one of their other friends were. They never spent time in the same room if no one else was there and the last text Mark had sent him was a small ‘thanks’ after he had asked where Jackson was and Jinyoung had answered that Jackson was at the library. That was probably the reason Mark couldn’t find Jackson, Jackson was never at the library. 

Jackson himself had many times wanted to lock up his two friends alone in a room with no way out so they could solve whatever problem they had. He had actually tried many times with the help of Bambam and Yugyeom but Youngjae and Jaebum most of the managed to stop them. Sometimes Jinyoung and Mark seemed to feel it in their gut before it happened and had managed to escape before Jackson was able to set his plan in motion. 

“Why can’t we just lock them up? They need to solve whatever problem they have and come on, they look miserable without each other!” Jackson screamed and Jaebum had only looked at him. “Tell me why!” He shouted again, trying to push Jaebum but Youngjae stopped him. 

“Do you know?!” He was fuming, staring at Youngjae challenging. Youngjae simply shook his head. 

“No, but I trust Jaebum.” Jaebum sent him a small thankful smile but Jackson felt like he was going to combust from frustration. “Whatever” He muttered, stalking away angrily with the two youngest following after him, looking a bit guilty and hesitant as they did so. 

It was a mess. 

Jinyoung had some happy moments though. He managed to cross off some points on his bucket list here and there during that year. 

He got his first job, it was bad but still. He worked in a local library, helping kids, teenagers, adults and elders find words to lose themselves in. He enjoyed his job. It didn’t pay that well but seeing the smiles and gratitude when someone he had recommended a book to came back with a big smile or a sad frown, thanking him for recommending it. Sometimes they would tell him that they had cried during the book's ending and that they couldn’t believe he could be so evil that he would recommend it to them. Most of the time he simply laughed at that, then patted them on the back, soothing them.

He enjoyed making people feel, even though it was originally the author’s virtue Jinyoung still liked to take some of the credit, he was after all the person who recommended the book. 

He had started to write himself too. He had always dreamed of becoming an author and now he wanted to pursue it. He had tried writing his entire life, but for the first time it actually felt like he was coming somewhere, like he was one with his characters. He hadn’t come that long into his story, mostly just mapping it out but he liked what he was coming up with. 

He wrote the most in the library, whenever there would be a quiet moment (which was pretty often- lets be honest) he would sit down to write on his computer for a while. He jumped a bit between his writings. He had one which he wanted to turn out into a real book someday, hopefully publish it as well. He knew it was a bit stupid, he was still young and he didn’t have any real experience in writing but he liked it. He liked the feeling of writing.

The library became a sort of second home for him. He spent most of his time between the dusty shelves and enjoyed every minute. Everyone who came to the library was just very nice and friendly human beings. Jinyoung likes to think that reading does that to you. That it makes you a more compassionate human and that it widens their horizon. 

The library was also the place he was at when he got the call. 

It was late, just an hour before closing time and he was mindlessly dusting off some old books, reading some covers, trying to find something good to read. 

He had already closed off some parts of the library, the back for example. He didn’t expect any more visitors after all, the time was nearing 10 pm. His phone suddenly made a sound which pierced through the quiet atmosphere in the library. He wondered who it was. Who even calls people nowadays? 

He slipped it out from his pocket and looked at id caller. It was just a phone number, he didn’t recognize it. He clicked answer and held it up towards his ear, still dusting off the books. 

“Hi, Park Jinyoung.” He greeted to the stranger. He heard a loud sob through the phone. He immediately stopped everything he was doing. 

“Jinyoung?” the voice croaked. “Are you-ou a-a frie-end of Ma-ark?” The feminine voice broke at the mention of Mark. 

“Yeah, yeah. Yes I am” He answered.

“It’s D--dorine Tuan-an. Hi-is mother”- Jinyoung knew he recognized that voice -”Mark’s”-She hiccuped-”be-en in an accident a-and he told me to-o call this number if some-ething ever happened-ed a-and I couldn’t be-e there.” Jinyoung was already grabbing his jacket.

“Where is he?” He asked, his voice calm even though he could feel his brain running a thousand miles. He heard a loud sob as she croaked out the address. “I’m on my way there right now, okay?” He heard a mumbled pleading as he locked the doors. 

He had never dropped everything this fast, he hadn’t turned off the lights or checked through the computer and all the bookings. He didn’t care. 

He waved for a taxi, beginning to an elder woman to let him take the taxi instead of her, saying that it’s an emergency. The woman nodded and he jumped into the taxi, rushing out the address and a urging ‘please hurry!’.

“I’m on my way now. I will be there in just 5 minutes, okay?” He spoke calmly to the crying woman on the other end of the line. Another sob made it through. “It will be okay, I promise.” 

He held the phone against his ear during the entire time, trying soothe the mother. His voice was controlled, calm and when he finally got out of the taxi he ran. His steps were accurate, precise. He had never wanted to get to someone so quickly. 

“Mark Tuan?” He asked the woman in the reception. The woman looked at him with a kind smile. 

“Are you a relative to him?” She asked and he shook his head.

“No, no. His mother is in the phone”- He made a motion towards the phone he was holding against his ear-”and she asked me to come” He could feel his voice losing control. The woman looked at him then to the computer, scrolling and clicking. 

“Do you happen to be Park Jinyoung?” She then asked. He nodded frantically. 

“Yes!” He shouted. Some people turned to stare at him disapprovingly but he didn't care, he didn’t care about anything else than his friend. The woman smiled sadly and Jinyoung could feel his stomach grow heavy, no, no, no, please no. 

“He’s alive” She said and he felt himself breathe again ”-but he’s in surgery for the moment. He suffered through a traffic accident involving a bus. 7 people were injured, 2 with major injuries and Mark is unfortunately one of them. At the moment we know of a broken arm, a broken leg and head injuries, probably a concussion. He’s lost a lot of blood due to nosebleed and a cut along his rib. We suspect broken ribs as well, but that’s all we know of for the moment.” The woman informed him and every word hit him like a knife, he felt heavier every second, his breath uneven. 

“When can I see him?” He asked. She smiled sadly again. “We can bring you to him as soon as he’s out of surgery but it might take a few hours. You won’t be able to interact with him more than that until he wakes up, and that is _if_ he wakes up.” He nodded,feeling empty. 

 

Jinyoung waited on a small plastic stool for 9 hours before he got more news. His back ached and there was bags under his eyes from not being able to fall asleep. once every hour he would walk up to the receptionist and ask for any news but she would sadly shook her head, “No news yet”. 

He had talked to Mark’s mother for a while more, trying to comfort the crying mother while informing her of all he knew. He tried his best to make her feel better, he told her small stories of him and Mark. Like how they used to always go to an ice cream shop downtown, and Mark would always insist that he wanted something fruity so he ordered a strawberry flavored ice cream and Jinyoung would always order chocolate. They would always end up stealing from each other though because Mark craved the chocolate ice cream and Jinyoung was in love with the strawberry. What Jinyoung didn’t tell Mark’s mother though was that the only reason he ordered chocolate from the beginning was because he knew it was Mark’s favorite, but what Jinyoung didn’t know was that the only reason Mark ordered strawberry was because he knew Jinyoung loved it. 

Jinyoung had eventually convinced Mark’s mother to go to sleep. She needed sleep. “How will you manage to take a flight to come here to visit him tomorrow if you can barely stand because you’re too tired?” Mark’s mother tried to argue but Jinyoung didn’t let himself budge. “He will want to see you healthy” He argued. “And I promise that I will call you as soon as I hear something” Mark’s mother couldn’t oppose that but made him promise again, which he did. He could hear how much she needed the sleep. 

But that was 7 hours ago. 

He was slowly drifting off to sleep for the first time when he felt someone tap his shoulder. He looked up, seeing a friendly smile on a nurse’s face. “Are you Park Jinyoung?” She asked and he nodded hazily. She smiled again. “Mark Tuan is out of surgery and in stable condition, he’s already awake” She informs him and Jinyoung shot up immediately. 

“Can I see him?” He asks and the nurse nods. 

“Follow me” 

He walks through white hallways, other nurses walking past them from then to then until they stop at room 314. She stills and smiles again. “He’s in there. If something were to happen, just press the red button. He’s allowed to fall asleep again as long as it doesn’t seem to abrupt” Jinyoung nods and smiles, taking a deep breath before opening the door. 

He wasn’t sure what he expected to see. But his heart broke once again as he saw Mark. His leg was wrapped up in bandage and leaned against some swing that was hanging from the roof. His arm was wrapped up too and pushed up by a pillow. A bandage was wrapped around his stomach too and he was only wearing a pair of sweatpants that was pulled up on his right left for the bandage. He looked wrecked, a small cut over his eyebrow and his hair was all over the place. Jinyoung figured that they probably didn’t care that much about the hairstyle while they were operating. 

“Jin-young?” Mark croaked and god, Jinyoung had missed hearing Mark say his name. Jinyoung walked forward, crouching down beside the bed, hesitantly taking one of Mark’s hands in his. His hand was cold and Jinyoung held it gently while Mark just stared at the boy in front of him. “You came?” He asked, his voice sounded strained and he felt a shot of pain erupt from his stomach but he didn’t care. Jinyoung looked up, meeting the older’s eyes.

“Of course” He whispered and Mark stares with big dark glowing eyes. “Always” He adds and he watched the soft smile that comes to Mark’s mouth. He feels Mark’s hand move underneath his own, feels it trying to rise up to point at something. Jinyoung then notices the tears that are running down his cheeks. 

“i don’t like ‘em” Mark’s mumbles and Jinyoung chuckles, drying them off with one hand while still holding onto Mark’s with the other. 

“I’m just happy that you’re alive” He explains softly, smiling at Mark’s little frown. “I-I…”- _I love you_ -“I’ve missed you so, so much” He says and he sees tears build in Mark’s eyes, the frown disappearing. 

“I’ve-e missed you too- a lot” and Mark smiles again before his eyes slowly close and Jinyoung smiles at the sight, watching the older fall asleep. 

 

When Mark wakes up the next day he wakes up to the sight of the younger leaning his head against the bed, fast asleep, still loosely holding onto his hand. Jinyoung will never see the fond smile that Mark looks at him with that day. 

And if you don’t know by now; Jinyoung was 19 years old when he got _his_ Mark back.

 

¤

 

Jinyoung was 20 years old now. There’s not much more to say about that. There were no specific happening; or there were, but there were many of them. The months around his 20th birthday is what he would call the calm and good time. 

Jinyoung spent weeks mostly just stuck to Mark’s side after his accident, barely leaving the older alone for a minute. Mark pretended to be annoyed at it but he had in fact never been happier than he was knowing how much Jinyoung did care for him. He loved every second of it. 

Their friends noticed the sudden change in behavior around the two and most of them were happy, Jackson was a bit angry still, frustrated because no one would tell him what the fuck had happened during the almost twelve months the two had spent avoiding each other. Yugyeom and Bambam had just given up, simply stating that they were happy they were all friends again. Youngjae seemed relieved and Jaebum had taken Jinyoung aside. “What are you?” He had asked and Jinyoung had answered with one word. “Friends”. Jaebum had given him a pointed look but then nodded; accepted. “Okay” 

Mark and Jinyoung was just friends. 

Two weeks after the accident when Mark’s mom had been forced to go home again- important work and so on- Jinyoung had promised her that he would personally take care of the older. Dorine smiled lovingly at him. “I trust you.” She said and then kissed him on the top of his head, like his own mother did sometimes. 

After that she had bid goodbye to her own son who was lying in the sofa in an uncomfortable position, with his leg slung over the backrest to keep any eventual swellings from erupting. She kissed her son on the top of his head too. “Promise to call me once everyday to tell me about your recovery, okay?” He groaned- 

“-mom” 

“-Don’t ‘mom’ me. Promise, okay?”

“Fine” He groaned again. 

“Good boy” She chuckled. “Love you,” She gave him another kiss, this time on his cheek. He squirmed uncomfortable, pouting at her. 

“Love you too” She smiled, satisfied. 

 

Jinyoung and Mark both knew they needed to talk about that night 11 months ago but neither of them really wanted to bring it up, it was the black sheep in their relationship- friendship. They avoided the subject just like they had avoided each other for so many months. This was a lot better though, Jinyoung was good at this. He was good at pretending things didn’t exist, certain topics for example- But pretending that Mark hadn't existed had been hell of a lot harder. 

Jaebum was the one to keep reminding Jinyoung that they needed to talk about it. He one time went to the extremes of bringing Jin and Yoongi with him to argue for his case. Jinyoung had believed that Yoongi would be scariest one to face in the debate, after all, the man looked scary most of the time. He often came out a bit cold whenever he was around new people or just people, but he had quickly warmed up to Jinyoung ever since finding out the boy had a white mark just like his lover. 

Jinyoung found out that Yoongi wasn’t actually to be feared at all, he was a bit tsundere in Jinyoung’s opinion. First he came of cold and distant (every other time Jinyoung had seen the guy before the day after the party) but turning out to actually be very loving and protective of the ones he cared about (Read; Jin and his friends, emphasizes on Jin).

To Jinyoung’s surprise it was actually Jin who was to be feared. When Jin put his mind to something and activated his ‘mom-mood’ he was definitely a force to be reckoned with. Jin was relentless. He bombarded Jinyoung with rhetorical questions, statements and worst of all; the threats.

-“If you don’t talk to him right at this moment I will personally go over to him and rip off the bandages from his broken leg and arm just to torture you with seeing him in pain.”-

-“I let you sleep in my bed drunk because you were heartbroken and now you’re not even gonna confront him? You’re a disappointment to mankind; To me. You should be ashamed of yourself.”-

-“If you do not speak to him at this moment I will make sure that you sleep outside for the rest of your miserable life, and then I will feed you dog food til the day you die.” 

Jinyoung had never heard someone say that with such a calm voice before. He believed every word that dropped from Jin’s mouth. 

It was four weeks after the accident that he finally gathered all the courage in his thin body and talked to the older. 

Mark was lying in the bed, left foot on some pillows and his right arm propped up on another pair of pillows. He was watching his phone closely, probably playing some game. 

“Hi” Jinyoung interrupted and Mark looked up at him, startled. 

“Hey” He breathed back and Jinyoung closed his eyes momentarily. Did he really want this? 

No, but he needed it. 

“We need to talk” He said. 

And that was how they both ended up on Mark’s bed. 

Jinyoung helped Mark sit up straighter so he could be better engulfed into the conversation, and so Jinyoung wouldn’t have to watch a double-chinned Mark the entire time. Jinyoung then sat down next to the older and they talked.

They talked about their months without each other. Mark stating that he had never missed anyone so much before, no one. No one as much as he missed his bestfriend. Jinyoung smiled sadly at that, replying that he had missed the other too. 

They didn’t really talk about the party, they mentioned it because Jin would otherwise feed him to the wolves, but they didn’t really talk about it, deeply. Jinyoung said that he was sorry and that he didn’t know why he got so angry or sad, or just got the way he was. He had no right. Mark tried to shush him, stating that he shouldn’t have gotten so angry. 

They declared it as a misunderstanding, saying that it was boths’ fault and that they would never let that happen again. 

“I didn’t actually sleep with anyone” Jinyoung admits and Mark stares at him with big dark orbs. “You didn’t?” 

“No I didn’t.” 

A misunderstanding, that was all it was. 

They had cleared the air, pushing away the tension and the insecurity that had surfaced during the past weeks. 

“So are we friends again?” Mark asks, hesitantly. And that’s that word again, _friends._ And friends are all that they ever will be.

“Yeah” Jinyoung agrees. “Friends.” 

Jinyoung snuggled into the older’s unharmed arm after that and the older lets him. And somehow, the air still isn’t clear. Something unsaid lays in it. 

And also their soulmate marks. They don't talk about that either. 

But that’s not all that happens the months around Jinyoung’s 20th birthday, no. His friends becomes a lot more successful than himself. 

Jaebum starts his singing career on youtube that year and after his cover of ‘Forever love’ went viral he had no problem being signed to a record label. Jaebum already had a small clique of fangirl’s that followed everywhere he went. He stayed at school though, wanting to secure a future if singing didn’t work out. 

Youngjae adopted a dog whose name is Coco and Coco is the cutest thing Jinyoung has ever seen. The dog is small, white and fluffy; the perfect combination. But to be honest, any combination is perfect as long as it’s a dog. Youngjae joins Jaebum’s channel sometimes and they sing covers together which they both enjoy. 

Jackson quit fencing and decided that he wants to work in entertainment instead. He manages to score a intern at a local news program and after being spotted once on the show the world went crazy about his handsome looks. 

“Oh, come on. I'm a hot piece of ass, everyone wants a piece of it.” Jackson brags one day.

He soon after that gets invited to a reality show where he has the time of his life. The show’s name is ‘Paradise hotel’ and Jackson fits right in between the rest of the people there, gaining more fans than any other competitor and manages to win the entire competition. 

Yugyeom and Bambam starts their own fashion blog (mostly Bambam) where they daily blog about new styles and clothing articles. Yugyeom vlogged a lot, adding small videos of their daily life to the blog and they gained a big following after just two months. 

Bambam had screamed when all 7 of them were sitting in Jaebum’s sofa playing video games. The others’ heads shot up. Bambam stared in awe at his phone and then he started jumping around, screaming and laughing before hugging his soulmate tightly, kissing him on the lips. 

“What are we celebrating!?” Jackson asks while jumping in celebration with Bambam.

“JEON JUNGKOOK TWEETED ABOUT MY AND YUGYEOM’S BLOG!” He hollers. “A MEMBER OF THE WORLD LEADING K-POP BAND TWEETED ABOUT OUR BLOG. I’M LIVING!” He repeats again, as if he needs to hear it himself to understand that he is not in fact hallucinating. The others just stares before they join in the celebration. 

Bambam and Yugyeom’s blog gains _789 000_ new readers that day and grows bigger everyday. 

When Mark became healthy enough from his accident he started studying in a nearby college. He majors in dance and fortunately the accident hadn’t messed up his leg bad enough. On his free time he either dances or works part time in the starbucks next to the college. He manages to spend a lot of time with Jinyoung too. 

Jinyoung still works at the small local library. His life isn’t as exciting as the others but he doesn’t care. He's still happy and that’s what matters. He’s seen in Yugyeom’s vloggs sometimes which gains a bit more famousity to the library, he’s happy about it since a lot of the teenagers who comes there to try to see Bambam or Yugyeom actually ends up liking reading and thereafter comes back to loan more books. 

He helps Mark with his dance moves sometimes too. He still loves dancing and sometimes learns Mark’s choreography just for fun. He also loves the offended look on Mark’s face when he has already learned the entire choreography before the older. 

“Why don’t you take up a dancing class?” Mark asks one day. He shrugs. He knows why, he loves dancing but he knows he won’t have a future in it. He barely has a future at all. 

Whenever he gets some time off he starts writing though. Writing and dancing are a lot alike he likes to think. He believes writing is just dancing but on a paper. You dance through the sentences, feeling a familiar rhythm in it, long sentence after long sentences and then it stops. A small step. Breakdown. You shock the readers. And then it goes on again. It builds up to that familiar feeling and you find yourself believing that you know how the story will turn out. But you don’t. You never do. 

He believes dancing is just expressing the words he can’t say, the words he writes down on the paper. He feels a freedom to it. To both writing and dancing. Because you tell so much but still, no one, no one will ever understand exactly what you mean but yourself. You’re allowed to express yourself and you’re allowed to interpret it however you want. It’s all about your experiences, it’s all about what you believe and how you see it. 

Jinyoung’s sat next to Mark with his computer on his lap one day, complaining about how he will never be able to finish the book he’s currently writing. “I just don’t know how to end it” He whines and Mark looks over to him. “I feel like if i ki-” 

“Schhh!” Mark suddenly hushes him, slamming a hand over the younger’s mouth. Jinyoung blinks. Mark looks at him, offended. “You can’t just spoil the next top selling book for me, okay? not nice.” He says. He says it harshly but there’s a fondness to his tone and Jinyoung can feel that familiar fluttering in his chest but then Mark looks away again and gives his attention to the baseball game on tv. Jinyoung sighs, going back to the book. He only has one chapter left. 

He talks to his parents every day, even after he’s moved out to a small crappy apartment near the library. They argue about whether or not he should go to college, but after many arguments they decide on no. Jinyoung doesn’t want to spend three more years in school, not when he doesn’t know how many years he has left. 

He’s happy as he is. They don’t talk about his white mark and he lives life. Jin and Yoongi comes by the library from time to time and he and Jaebum arranged a bestfriend day once a week where they could catch up on everything, just the two of them. Jackson drags him out to a party or to meet some girls when he isn’t busy filming. 

Jinyoung also gains a bit of fame from his friends. 

Bambam and Yugyeom visits a lot, apparently their fans seems to like Jinyoung and who are them to oppose that, they also like their hyung.

But Jinyoung’s favorite thing though is when he comes home to his crappy apartment, seeing Mark already cooking homemade lunch for him after he’s had a long day at the library. Mark isn’t good at cooking but Jinyoung still loves it, because it was especially made for him. 

He’s happy even though he’s in love with his friend. 

He's happy even though he's going to die. 

His life is good. 

Life is good. 

But nothing lasts forever. 

 

¤

 

Jinyoung is 21 years old when he dies. 

It’s tragic.

He’s young. 

_It’s not fair._

He was trapped in the building with no way but the windows out. 

It was an hostage situation. 

He had been sitting on the 22th floor discussing the possible publicity of his book. It was going well. 2 men then came rushing in. They were dressed in black. They were holding weapons. 

It’s not fair.

They force them out. They’re gathering all of the people in the building on the 20th floor. Jinyoung can’t think, he just obliges. 

Some are silently crying. A woman is begging for her life, sobbing that she has two 3 year old twins at home. 

They shot her. 

_It’s not fair_

Jinyoung got some of the blood on his hands. He can’t hear anything. 

He thinks of Yugyeom and Bambam, they were coming back from Sweden tomorrow. They were all gonna meet up at a cafe downtown. 

He talked to them just yesterday. 

_“I didn’t now Sweden was big in the fashion industry” He had laughed the day before. Yugyeom had grinned through the low quality picture on his phone._

_“They’re not very big,” Yugyeom had answer “but they have funny weird traditions. Like, we celebrated ‘Midsommar’”- Yugyeom tried pronouncing the foreign word -”were they wore home made flower crowns while dancing around.. -Like a pole-” -“It looked like a dick” Bambam interrupted. Yugyeom hit him over the head. “- a_ pole _pretending to be frogs while singing”_

Jinyoung had laughed. 

He doesn’t laugh now. 

He’s sitting down next to another woman. He can see tears in her eyes but he notices the black tattoo on her arm. She’s staring at it too. 

“You’re going to be okay” He breathes, she looks at him, gratefulness in her eyes. Someone shouts at them. 

He looks back to the floor. 

_“I can’t come to next week’s bromance date” Jinyoung informs Jaebum. They’re sitting on their usual place, in the back of the ice cream shop. Jaebum looked offended. They never cancelled. “Why?” Jinyoung grins. “Someone wants to publish my book”_

He remember the proud look on the older’s face. 

_”Why wouldn’t they want to”_

That was a week ago.

Jinyoung can tell something is happening. They’re communicating with the police he thinks. They seem stressed, angry. 

Something bigger will happen, they’re pressured on time. 

Five workers are being led away by two men with guns. Two women, three men. They’re pointing the guns towards the women. 

8 out of 10 black hooded are left. 

17 hostages are left. 

11 of them are crying,

5 of them looks on the verge of crying,

Jinyoung feels empty. 

_”I’m so happy for you!” His mother squealed, pulling him into a tight hug. He blushed and awkwardly laughed. “I still don’t know if they want to publish it” He chuckles, trying to hide the worry in his voice. His mother looks at him, pride and sincerity filling her eyes. “Of course they will want to, don’t be stupid”_

Jinyoung will miss his mother. 

The two men comes back. 

They don’t have any hostages back with them. 

Jinyoung wonders if they’re dead, they might be, but he didn’t hear any gunshot. 

He hopes they’re alive. 

They’re discussing something. They’re expression are hidden by masks but they move raptly, anxiously. Something has them worried. 

Everything is so silent. The walls are white, the sky is blue outside the windows. He hears crying and the masked men’s hushed whispers but everything echoes. 

It feels cold. 

He thinks of Youngjae. 

Youngjae was never quiet.

Youngjae would always sing loudly or just talk loudly. Everything he did was loud. If Youngjae had been here then everything wouldn’t have felt so empty. A room can’t feel empty with Youngjae’s presence in it. 

Jinyoung misses the younger.

One of the men looks at him. Jinyoung’s gaze falls to the floor. 

_Good luck!_

That was the last words Youngjae would say to him. 

The man raises his gun and looks towards another of the masked men. 

Jinyoung can feel the tears in his eyes. 

_“They’ll love it!”_

That’s the words Jackson squealed through the phone just hours before. 

The other man nods. 

_”It will go well, and if it doesn’t, then it’s not the end of the world”_

His father’s words echoes in his mind. 

It isn’t the end of the world. It’s simply the end of his life. 

Jinyoung hears the shot before he feels it. 

_What went wrong?_

The bullet pierces through him just below his heart.

It’s like a burn, a big fire that settles in his entire body. 

He screams. 

_Why me?_

It goes dark.

 

What Jinyoung will never know though is that right as this moment Mark is sitting in their flat with newly cooked food and a fluttering feeling in his chest as he prepares himself to tell the man he loves that he loves him; A man whom he will never meet again. 

 

_“Come on, hurry!” Mark urges Jinyoung. Jinyoung just laughs while grabbing his coat and putting his feet in the shoes. “You can’t be late for the person who will make you the next big author!”_

_“We still don’t know that! And I’m not really late” Jinyoung opposes and Mark pouts. Jinyoung can’t help but to think he looks adorable. “We do know that! And it’s better to be early than late!”_

_“You haven’t read the story though!” Jinyoung laughs while putting a hand on the doorknob. Mark rolls his eyes._

_“We discussed this! I don’t want it spoiled!” Mark teasingly shouts while pushing Jinyoung lightly towards the door. Jinyoung smiles. “So hurry! I’ll make food for us til you come back”_

_“You know you can’t really cook though”_

_“You still appreciate it” Mark says pointedly and it’s the truth. Jinyoung does appreciate it._

_“So come on, go now!” Mark urges again and Jinyoung wishes he could’ve paused this moment. He would want it captured in his memory for the rest of his life with every single detail still intact. He would want to be able to see that triangle shaped grin on his friend, the person he loves for the rest of his life. He would want to see how the sun shines up the dark tops of the other’s hair and how Mark had always, in Jinyoung’s opinion, resembled an angel. How the light seems to dance in the other’s eyes._

_He would’ve wanted this moment to be like the moment his parents talks about. The moment the two met for the first time._

_He would’ve wanted to live in this moment forever. With them standing in the hallway of the small flat they hired together; Jinyoung on his way to a possible publication of his book, a story he had spend godless amount of hours writing, and Mark standing opposite of him, waiting for him to come back so they could celebrate together._

_“I liked your hair better red” Jinyoung suddenly says and Mark’s eyes scrunches up in a confused way first, then he hits the younger over the head lightly._

_“Go now! And if you don’t come back with good news then I won’t let you inside! Okay?”_

_Jinyoung smiles as he pushes down the door knob._

_“Okay.”_

Because on Mark’s right wrist, in velvet red and smooth handwriting the word ‘Okay.’ is written. 

And it’s not until two hours later when his phone rings that he remembers the word printed on his wrist because he had momentarily forgotten about the curse that has been embedded in his daily life from the day he turned 7. He had momentarily started to hope that maybe he will get his happy ending, maybe he could love someone without them being his soulmate.

He answers the phone.

"Hello" He says.

“Is this _Mark tuan_ I’m speaking to?” A woman asks. Mark pauses. 

“Yes” He says, hesitantly. The woman’s voice grows calmer, comforting. 

“I’m sorry to inform you that Park Jinyoung has unfortunately died in-” 

Mark doesn’t understand the rest, he simply drops his phone, a cracking sound interrupting the crushing emptiness he feels because suddenly he remembers the mark, _Okay_ ,and all he can think about is all of the times he never dared, all of the things he missed out on. 

He never got to tell the younger the he loved him.

He never got kiss him. 

The younger will never know that he loved him.

He never got to read the story

And he is left all alone with that, a flat, a cracked phone, a homemade meal for two and the crushing emptiness of losing the person you were supposed to love and cherish for the rest of your life, a person whom he already loved

 

 

_It’s not fair_

  
  
  
\-------------------  
  
**_I love you._**  
_I’ve loved you since the day you first made my eyes glow up_  
_But now you’re gone_  
_And you took a part of me with you_  
_And I miss you_  
_Because there’s this empty feeling in my chest that won’t allow me to breath_  
_And I don’t know how to escape it_  
_Nor if I even want to_  
_Because somehow that’s a proof that you were here_  
_And of how much you meant to me_  
_And somehow it all feels like a dream_  
_That turned into a nightmare_  
_And I wonder if the memories of you are enough_  
_To make me forget about the emptiness that is left_  
_Because now you’re dead_  
_And I’ll never see your eyes glow again_  
_Or that smile that settles on your lips_  
_Or the way you just are_  
_And I know I’ve lived without it before_  
_But you can’t miss something if you’ve never had it_  
_Can you?_  
_So can you make me one last promise_  
_Even though you’re already gone_  
_Can you promise me to smile_  
_When I see you again_  
_Whether it’ll be in hell_  
_Or in heaven_  
_Because I will see you again_  
_After I lived the rest of my life_  
_And in exchange for that I promise_  
_That I will try to be happy_  
_Even though you’re not next to me anymore_  
_So is that an **okay?**_  
_Can **okay** be our goodbye?_  
_And our promise to meet again?_

**Author's Note:**

> Wow. Okay. I actually finished this and I'm not super happy with it but I still want to publish it. This story kinda broke my heart to write but I'm not good at happy endings, which is why you didn't get one. My goal was to make someone cry so if you did that then please tell me! This story though is very precious to me and well, I've spent hours with it so it really means a lot to me. 
> 
> Please make sure to comment and leave kudos! I basically live for the few comments I get! And thank you SO MUCH for reading and I hope you have a lovely wonderful day!  
> Thank you so much! 
> 
> And make sure to vote for BTS for BBMAs TOP SOCIAL ARTIST BTW! #BTSBBMAs
> 
>  
> 
> [Find me on tumblr!](https://stydiasnowbarrylucaya.tumblr.com/)  
> [Find me on Twitter!](https://twitter.com/YKWIW22)


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